S1 E6: Help! I Can't Stop Fanaticizing About Sex (Part 1 & 2)

Warning!

EXPLICIT MATERIAL WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUTH 15 & Under

Discusses Fanaticizing About Sex

Click Here to Listen to Part 1

Click Here to Listen to Part 2

Welcome to Womanhood!

Sex & Sexuality are part of the Christian Lifestyle. The way Christians view and approach sex will look different than most people in the world. If you're interested in learning about how to do things God's way, this will help you get started.

Please hear my heart. I don't share this to shame or judge you. Rather, I want you to teach you Christian principles and what the Bible teaches, then you can make your own decision.

Tips & Truth to Help You:

1. Desiring Sexual Gratification is a normal part of life, for girls and guys, especially during teen years and young adulthood. It is a signal that you are ready to develop your understanding and boundaries for your budding sexuality.
   

2. Don't let your desires control you. These new feelings and emotions are part of the journey. You don't have to navigate this by yourself. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There are physical and emotional signs that may be unique to you. It will ebb and flow depending on what is happening with you emotionally. Our culture says...Sex leads to love. The bible says...love leads to covenant then sex. Letting sexual desire lead you will take you on a path, where physical attraction and pleasure become more your primary way of choosing a guy. You may fall into a relationship eventually, but it won't be stable. The mindset will focus on getting your needs met, which will eventually fall apart, when you hit a rough patch. I don't think anyone means to choose a shallow relationship. I think It happens because they don't know any better. Truth: You are so valuable to God that he wants to help you find a guy that treats you with love and respect. Are you able to return that love and respect? Reflection: How would a relationship look different that began with sex versus love? What would be the strength and weakness of each one.
   

3. Warning: Unhealthy sexuality begins with using your body to get guys to pay attention to you. As a young woman you will be able to use your body to get attention or even get a guy to go out with you. While it may feel powerful and that you're getting what you want, he is pursuing sex instead of you. What's the problem with that? His need for sex will be over his care for your heart and mind. Eventually you will feel pressure in the relationship to have sex, even when you're hurting and would rather talk. He will turn to other girls, when you don't give him what he wants, leaving you resentful and closed off to him. Opening yourself up sexually will create a false intimacy that may seem exciting and accelerates your relationship, but eventually lead to a crash and burn because your relationship isn't solid. Too often young women give themselves to a guy physically before they even know him. From my perspective you deserve better.
   

4. Healthy sexuality comes from understanding God's beautiful design for sex. Have you ever noticed that Adam and Eve were completely comfortable being naked, until sin entered their hearts and minds. I suspect they enjoyed uncomplicated love and sex, until that day when they ate from the tree and sin filled them with shame. God's original design for intimacy within covenant was good and without the spin that sin causes. Through Christ and a deep longing to go after all that God has for you through healthy relationship and sexuality, you can pursue restoration for your broken understanding of sex. Truth: For sex to be safe, Love needs to be at the center of the relationship and a marriage covenant needs to surround the relationship for protection. It's not enough to love the person. God intended for sex to be shared inside covenant because there is a commitment to take care of each other that goes beyond feelings and pleasure. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 ESV Reflection: Share with God your thoughts and feelings about sex and healthy sexuality. Do you have beliefs that don't match up with what the Bible teaches? How do you think that will affect your relationships?
   

5. Want to know a SECRET? Christians that go after restoration and try to do things God's way are having the best sex. They discover deep connection and love within the boundaries of marriage; the way God designed sex. Relationships that operate in God's design are build on respect, deep trust, deep relationship, and powerful intimacy that goes beyond the physical. It's actually a spiritual connection. Learning to think about sex God's way takes some effort, but it worth it.
   

6. Warning: Porn or sex toys may give you a high like drugs, but it will also damage you. Satan has a way of twisting up the things God created into selfish self-seeking acts. For sex to be safe, Love needs to be at the center of the relationship and a marriage covenant needs to surround the relationship for protection. Reflection: How do you think pornography or sex toys affect your view on sex? What are the consequences of getting sexual gratification from something other than your husband? How do you think these habits could affect your marriage someday? What positive outcomes could come from breaking this habit?

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Part 2:

What Does the Bible Say About Sex?

Why should you care about what the Bible says about sex? There are lots of reasons. Here's one. In a society where more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, you can make choices that lead to a healthy heart, which can help you have a healthy marriage.

When you come into your marriage damaged from having lots of sexual partners, it can make it hard to find that deep connection with your husband that makes a marriage last.

Scripture about God's Will for Sex:

• Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4 ESV

• Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV

• But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV

• For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 ESV

What Should I Do About My Thoughts?

Reflection & Processing:

1. Set Boundaries where you will allow your mind to go, especially related to the guy you are into. Your brain plays a role in your sexual response. You can learn to manage your sexual well being by what you know and believe about sex.

2. Recognize why you are feeling this way. It could be hormones, you are stressed, or you have allowed your thoughts to go in a sexual direction.

3. How to Stop Burning With Sexual Desire. Process through your feelings and desires with God. Ask Holy Spirit to show you what is underneath your sexual desire.

   1. Are you lonely or feeling a deep need for connection?

   2. Have you been reading, watching, or listening to things that stir up your sexual desire?

   3. Why do you think you crave sexual contact? What do you get out of it?

   4. What are the negative costs associated with opening yourself up in this way?

   5. How would it help you to work on yourself over spending your time going after sexual gratification.

4. If you get hit with desire, find something to get your mind off of sex. Listen to Christian Music. Exercise. Take A Cold Shower. Pray.

5. Remember: God is the one that created sex. It's okay to talk to him about how you're feeling. He can handle it. Ask him to help you desire his will and plans for your life.

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