Set Boundaries for Sex

Important Steps in Teen Dating

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Recently I have been talking to a guy. I feel like he has been testing the waters by saying sexual things. I know I need to talk to him about it because his comments makes me uncomfortable, but I don't like to talk about sex. I don’t want to scare him off or weird him out by talking about it too soon.

Communication Is the Key to a Healthy Relationship

1. The Big Question: Where Do You Stand?

Before you talk to your guy about where he stands, it's important for you to know what you think about sex and sexual activity in your relationship. Take some time to think through what you want to do.

Do You Want to Do Things God's Way?

If the answer is no, you can skip to part 2 of the the post. It's your choice.

What Does the Bible Teach About Sex?

From Genesis to Revelation the Bible is clear that God designed sex and sexual activity to be within the boundaries of marriage between a man and a woman. (Genesis 2:24, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)
"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 8:4). This scripture teaches to be careful not to stir up sexual desire before the right time. As you probably know, sexual desire is a powerful feeling. It is best to have good boundaries, so you don't have to battle against it.

Why does God call sex outside of marriage a sin? Isn't it natural for people to have sex?

God teaches you this for your protection. Many young people make decisions about sex before they understand the impact it will have on them.
Sex is an important part of intimacy and connection in a husband and wife relationship. It's meant to be a special connection that bonds couples together to keep the covenant they made in their marriage vows.
Using sex for physical gratification and intimacy outside of marriage actually damages your heart because you have given away a piece of yourself. You've also created deep connection that may feel good in the moment, but causes emotional damage when the relationship doesn't last.

God teaches you about the boundaries of his kingdom in the Bible. You still have a choice whether you will stay in bounds or go your own way.

Take time to pray. Ask Holy Spirit to align your desires with God's boundaries. Be honest about how you feel and any negative feelings you may have.
Once you have made your decision, share your thoughts with your guy. Communication is an important part of healthy relationship.

2. Big Question: Where Does He Stand?

Does Your Guy Want to Do Things God's Way?

Now that you have shared where you stand. It's time to ask him what he thinks.

Are you both interested in staying in bounds with God's will?
If you want to stay in bounds with God's will, but your guy doesn't feel the same, this makes things difficult. He may say that he will respect your boundary, but keep in mind that his thoughts will not match your thoughts in this decision.

Moving forward in your relationship pay attention to whether he appears to respect your boundaries. If he doesn't, it's time to end the relationship.

Showing respect means he won't put you in situations that make you uncomfortable or feel tempted to do something you don't want to.
If you really want to avoid sexual temptation, it is best to spend time together with family and friends around. Or go to activities like sporting events, movies, restaurants.

3. Big Question: What If We Mess Up & Things Go Too Far?

Does That Mean We are Ruined?

God looks at our hearts. Work it out with him through prayer and repentance.

What if I'm not sorry that I crossed the line?

Rebellion against God means that you are stepping out of bounds with his will. God teaches you to protect your heart by doing his pure and holy will.
When you don't feel remorse or guilt for doing something you know is wrong, something is going on inside you. Holy Spirit can help you.

Pray these Scriptures to Help Your Heart: