Why Am I Attracted to Guys Who Treat Me Bad?
- Kelly Kirstein
- a few seconds ago
- 3 min read
The Truth About Why You Pick Jerks
If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I always like jerks?” or “Why am I attracted to guys who treat me bad?” — you are not alone.
So many teen girls find themselves drawn to guys who are confusing, emotionally distant, or straight-up unkind. Even when they know the guy isn’t good for them, they can’t stop thinking about him.
Let’s talk about why that happens and why it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
Wanting to Belong Can Make Us Ignore Red Flags
One of the strongest desires we have as girls is the need to belong.
We want to be accepted. We want to feel chosen. We want to feel like we matter.
When a guy gives you attention, even inconsistent attention, it can feel like proof that you’re worth something. So when he pulls away, ignores you, or treats you poorly, you don’t walk away. You try harder.
That’s not because you’re desperate. It’s because your heart is looking for validation.
The Chase Feels Exciting (Until It Hurts)
Here’s something no one really explains: liking a guy who is unpredictable can be addictive.
When he finally texts back, it feels amazing. When he compliments you, it feels huge. When he shows interest after being distant, your heart soars.
That emotional rollercoaster creates excitement but it’s not love. It’s adrenaline.
Your thoughts start to spiral: Why hasn’t he responded? Did I say something wrong? How do I keep his attention?
Before you know it, you’re not enjoying the relationship. You’re chasing it.
Why Guys Who Aren’t Nice Can Mess With Your Mental Health
At first, it feels fun and dramatic like something out of a movie.
But real life doesn’t end when the girl “gets the guy.”
Over time, relationships with emotionally unhealthy guys can leave you feeling:
Anxious
Insecure
Drained
Sad or depressed
Constantly questioning yourself
When someone treats you like you’re replaceable, your confidence slowly disappears. And that pain is real even if no one else sees it.
“I Can Change Him” Is a Trap
A lot of girls fall into the idea that if they love a guy enough, he’ll become better.
You see his struggles. You believe in his potential. You think your love will fix what’s broken.
Movies love this storyline. Real life doesn’t.
You are not meant to mother a boyfriend or rescue someone at the cost of your own heart. Someone who truly values you won’t need to be convinced to treat you with respect.
What Liking Jerks Can Reveal About Your Identity
This part is hard, but important.
Being attracted to guys who treat you badly often has more to do with how you see yourself than with who they are.
If you don’t fully recognize your worth, you might:
Accept attention instead of respect
Chase approval instead of love
Stay where you feel tolerated instead of valued
That doesn’t make you weak. It means you’re still learning who you are.
What God Wants for Your Relationships
God isn’t trying to ruin your fun or control your dating life. He cares about your heart (Proverbs 4:23) and your future (Jeremiah 29:11).
Healthy love includes:
Respect
Kindness
Consistency
Emotional safety
God’s plan for you isn’t confusion, manipulation, or emotional pain. It’s peace.
Someone who truly cares about you won’t make you feel small, anxious, or unsure of your worth.
If You’re Stuck in This Cycle
If you see yourself in this, please hear this clearly:
You are not broken. You are not unlovable. You are not “too much.”
You don’t need chaos to feel chosen. You don’t need to fix someone to be worthy. You don’t need to chase love.
The more you understand your value, the less attractive disrespect becomes.
And that’s when everything starts to change.