What's the Big Deal About Lying? Why Do We Lie

Part 1: Why Do We Lie?

Let’s be real. Most of us have lied before.

Maybe it was a big lie. Maybe it was a half-truth. Maybe you left out one important detail because you knew the whole truth would get you in trouble.

Or maybe you’ve said:

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t care.”

“I didn’t even want it anyway.”

“Everyone else is going.”

“That’s not what happened.”

Lying is so normal in our culture that sometimes we barely notice it anymore. It happens in songs, movies, relationships, social media and probably some of your favorite shows.

But if lying is so common, why does God make such a big deal about truth?

Before we answer that, maybe we need to ask another question:

Why do we lie in the first place?

A Lie Is More Than Saying Something That Isn’t True

Ephesians 4:25 tells us to “put off falsehood” and speak truthfully to one another.

Notice that Paul uses the word falsehood.

That makes this conversation bigger than simply making up a story.

Sometimes deception looks like telling an outright lie. But it can also look like leaving out the part of the story you know would change someone’s response, allowing someone to believe something you know isn’t true, or carefully telling only the pieces of the truth that work in your favor.

That’s worth thinking about.

Am I being truthful, or am I trying to control what someone believes?

Those aren't always the same thing.

Sometimes We Lie Because We Want People to Like Us

There can be a lot of pressure in friendships.

You want to belong.

You don't want people to be mad at you.

You don't want to be the weird one or the difficult one.

So maybe you pretend to like something because everyone else does.

You laugh at something you don't actually think is funny.

You agree when you really disagree.

You change your interests depending on who you're with.

You act differently around certain people.

You hide parts of yourself because you're afraid the real version of you won't be accepted.

Not every attempt to fit in is a lie. We all adjust to different social situations. But it's worth paying attention when you consistently feel like you have to pretend to be someone you're not in order to keep a friendship.

Because healthy relationships shouldn't require you to create a fake version of yourself.

The people closest to you should actually know you.

Sometimes We Lie Because We Don't Want to Deal With the Consequences

This one can get uncomfortable.

You want your parents to trust you.

But you also want to do something you already know they wouldn't approve of.

So instead of completely making up a story, you tell them the parts you know they'll be okay with.

“I'm going to Emma's house.”

True.

You just leave out what you're planning to do after you get there.

Then when your parents find out, you might ask:

“Why don't you trust me?”

But trust isn't something we automatically get because we want it.

Trust grows when our words consistently match our actions.

Sometimes we lie because we don't want someone to know what we've done. We don't want to deal with their disappointment, anger, questions or consequences.

So we try to manage the situation by controlling what they know.

But think about this:

If you have to lie about what you're doing, could that be a sign that you're getting off track?

Maybe the bigger question isn't, How do I keep my parents from finding out?

Maybe it's:

Why am I choosing something I know I have to hide?

That's a much harder question.

But it might also be the question that gets you back where you want to be.

So How Do We Break the Cycle?

Understanding why we lie is important.

But we don't have to stay there.

If you recognize yourself somewhere in this article, don't walk away thinking, Wow. I'm terrible.

Instead think:

Okay, God. I see it. Now help me change it.

Romans 12:2 says:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Just because something has become normal around you doesn't mean it has to become normal for you.

You can decide to do something different.

Believe That You Are Likable as You

What if you stopped believing that you have to become someone else to be accepted?

You don't have to change your personality, interests, opinions or values depending on who you're around.

You don't have to create the version of yourself you think everyone else will like.

Ask God to help you believe that you are worth knowing as you really are.

And what if you started looking at friendships differently?

Instead of asking:

How do I make these people like me?

Try asking:

Can I be myself around these people?

The people who are meant to be part of your life won't require you to constantly pretend.

Some people won't connect with you.

That's okay.

Not everyone is supposed to be your person.

When you stop trying to become whoever everyone else wants you to be, you make room for something better:

real relationships with people who actually know you.

That's how you begin finding the people who are meant to be part of your journey.

Let Lying Be Your Warning Light

You know that warning light that comes on in a car when something needs attention?

Maybe lying can become a warning light in your life.

If you catch yourself thinking:

I can't tell my parents this.

I need to leave that part out.

I hope nobody finds out.

I need to come up with a story.

Stop.

Instead of immediately figuring out how to hide what's happening, ask:

God, am I getting off track?

Because if you want to see God moving in your life and experience the life He has for you, staying close to Him matters.

That doesn't mean you'll do everything perfectly.

You won't.

It means you're learning to notice when you're moving away from Him and choosing to turn back.

Truth Brings Freedom

Jesus said in John 8:32:

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Lies can feel easier in the moment.

Truth can feel harder.

But lies have to be protected.

Remembered.

Covered.

Explained.

Sometimes another lie has to be told to protect the first one.

Truth doesn't need any of that.

There is freedom in being able to say:

This is who I am.

This is what I believe.

This is what really happened.

This is the choice I made.

And when the truth reveals something you need to change?

You don't have to hide from God.

You can let Him help you change it.

Take a Minute and Think About It

1. When are you most tempted to lie: when you're afraid of getting in trouble, disappointing someone, being rejected, or something else?

2. Have you ever changed something about yourself because you were afraid people wouldn't like the real you?

3. Are there friendships where you feel completely comfortable being yourself? What is different about those relationships?

4. Have you ever told a partial truth because you knew the whole story might change someone's response?

5. Think about the last time you felt like you needed to hide something. Could that have been a warning that you were getting off track?

6. What is one area where you want to ask God to help you choose truth instead of trying to control what other people think?

7. What would change if you truly believed that the right people will like you for who you really are?

Let's Pray

God,

Thank You for loving me exactly where I am while also helping me become more like You.

Help me recognize the places where I'm tempted to lie, hide things or change myself because I'm afraid of what other people will think.

Remind me that I don't have to become someone else to be liked. Give me the courage to be who You created me to be and trust You with the people who are meant to be part of my life.

When I'm making choices that are pulling me away from You, help me recognize it. Give me the courage to stop hiding, tell the truth and get back on track.

I want to stay close to You. Renew my mind, change my heart and teach me to walk in truth.

Amen.

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Coming Next: Can You Lie to Yourself?

We usually think of lying as something we do to someone else.

But what happens when the person you're deceiving is you?

Sometimes we change the story in our own minds because the truth hurts. We tell ourselves we didn't really want something. We convince ourselves something isn't a big deal. Or we believe negative things about ourselves that aren't actually true.

In Part 2 of What’s the Big Deal About Lying?, we're going to talk about self-deception, why truth matters so much to God, and what happens when someone you trust is the one lying to you.