Can You Lie to Yourself? Negative Self-Talk & God's Truth
What’s the Big Deal About Lying? Part 2
In Part 1, we talked about some of the reasons we lie.
Sometimes we're trying to avoid consequences.
Sometimes we want people to like us.
Sometimes we're trying to control how someone sees us or how they'll react to something we've done.
But there's another kind of deception that's a little harder to recognize.
You can lie to yourself too.
That sounds strange. After all, wouldn't you know if you were lying to yourself?
Not necessarily.
You Can Lie to Yourself Too
This one is sneaky.
Imagine you really wanted something.
A relationship.
A position on a team.
A part in the musical.
An acceptance letter.
An invitation.
And you didn't get it.
So you tell yourself:
“Whatever. I didn't really want it anyway.”
Maybe that's true.
But maybe it isn't.
Psychologists call this kind of thing self-deception. We can reshape the story we're telling ourselves because the new version feels easier to live with. Psychology Today describes self-deception as something that can shape how we perceive reality and influence our choices and beliefs. (P. Gibson, 2024)
Sometimes that protects us from disappointment for a little while.
But what if instead of pretending something didn't hurt, you brought the disappointment to God?
You could say:
God, I really wanted this.
I'm disappointed.
I don't understand why this didn't happen.
Show me what You want me to do next.
That's different.
You aren't pretending the disappointment doesn't exist. You're choosing to trust God with it.
Proverbs 16:3 reminds us:
You don't have to rewrite reality to make yourself feel better.
You can face reality with God.
Sometimes the Lie Is About You Through Negative Self-Talk
Deception doesn't only happen when we don't get something we want. Sometimes we believe things about ourselves that aren't true because of rejection, hurt, or a number of other things.
It can start a stream of negative self-talk that is harmful like:
I'm not pretty enough.
No one really likes me.
I'm a failure.
I'm not good at anything.
God could never use someone like me.
You've repeated something so many times that it starts feeling like a fact.
But a thought isn't automatically true just because it came from your own mind.
Part of walking in truth means allowing God to challenge the lies you believe about yourself too. It is so important to align your thoughts to what he would say about you.
If he wouldn't say it about you, then you shouldn't either.
Why Is What You Believe a Big Deal to God?
God isn't sitting in heaven waiting to catch you messing up.
He is trying to help you see the world and yourself His way.
Why? Because we have an enemy that wants to destroy you and the good plans God has for you (John 10:10).
By aligning your heart and mind with what God says about you and the things happening in your life, you can
God is truthful.
Titus 1:2 describes God as one who does not lie.
Truth isn't simply a rule God created for us. Truth reflects who He is.
If we want to know God and become more like Him, truth matters.
We need to fill our hearts and minds with his will and his ways by having the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
You were created in God's image.
Genesis 1:27 tells us that human beings were created in God's image.
Following Jesus means allowing Him to change the way we live so our lives increasingly reflect Him.
First John 2:6 says that whoever claims to live in Christ should live as Jesus did.
That includes honesty.
Any kind of deception can hurt people, including yourself.
Proverbs 25:18 compares false testimony against another person to a weapon.
That's strong language.
But think about how deeply a lie can hurt when someone you trusted deceives you. Truth isn't only about protecting your character.
It's also about loving other people well. Are you loving yourself well by what you say to or think about yourself?
We're called to walk in love.
Ephesians 5:1–2 tells us to follow God's example and walk in the way of love.
Jesus loves you and gave himself for you. Maybe it's time to learn to walk in love so that you learn to love the life you were created for and the good plans God has for you.
This could be the first step to finding the freedom Christ talks about when he says, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 NIV
What If Someone You Love Lies to You?
Now let's flip this around.
What happens when someone lies to you?
Maybe your friend said something about you that wasn't true.
Maybe your boyfriend keeps changing his story.
Maybe someone hid something and then said, “I didn't technically lie.”
First, remember that one lie and a pattern of lying aren't necessarily the same thing.
People mess up.
Someone can lie, realize what they did, genuinely apologize and work to rebuild trust. But repeated dishonesty is different.
Pay attention when you regularly find yourself wondering:
Is this actually true?
Why does the story keep changing?
Why am I always finding things out later?
Why do I feel like I have to investigate everything?
Why does this person make me feel guilty for asking reasonable questions?
You don't have to pretend dishonesty doesn't matter just because you care about someone.
Forgiveness and trust aren't exactly the same thing.
You can forgive someone while recognizing that trust needs to be rebuilt through consistent honesty over time.
And if a relationship leaves you constantly confused about what is real, talk to a trusted adult, parent, mentor or counselor. You don't have to sort through that confusion alone.
You Are a Child of Light
I love the way Scripture describes followers of Jesus.
Ephesians 5:8 says:
First Thessalonians 5:5 says that we are children of the light and children of the day.
That's your identity.
You don't have to manipulate.
You don't have to hide.
You don't have to create a different version of yourself so people will accept you.
When you mess up, you don't have to create another lie to cover the first one.
Bring it into the light.
Tell the truth.
Own what you did.
Apologize when necessary.
Accept the consequences.
Ask God to help you do differently next time.
That's what growing with Jesus looks like.
Not perfection.
Transformation.
Take a Minute: What Have You Been Believing?
Sometimes a lie doesn't sound like a lie anymore because you've repeated it to yourself so many times.
Maybe someone said something hurtful to you years ago.
Maybe you were rejected.
Maybe you failed at something that really mattered to you.
Maybe someone made you feel like you weren't pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, fun enough or worth choosing.
And somewhere along the way, their words became your words.
You started repeating them to yourself.
Take a minute and get really honest.
1. What is something negative you believe about yourself?
Finish this sentence:
Sometimes I believe that I am ________________________________.
Don't write what you think you're supposed to say. Write the thought that actually shows up in your mind.
2. Where did that belief come from?
Can you remember when you first started thinking this way about yourself?
Did someone say something hurtful to you?
Did someone reject you?
Were you compared to someone else?
Did something happen that made you question your worth?
Sometimes the voice we're hearing in our head started as someone else's voice.
3. Have you repeated their words so many times that they became your own?
Think about the way you talk to yourself.
Do you say things like:
I'm not good enough.
I'm ugly.
I'm too much.
I'm not as good as her.
Nobody really wants me around.
I'm stupid.
I always mess everything up.
No one will ever choose me.
I'll never be enough.
Ask yourself:
Is this actually true, or have I repeated it so many times that it feels true?
4. What has believing this changed about you?
Has this belief affected the way you see yourself?
The friendships you choose?
What you'll try?
How you let people treat you?
Whether you speak up?
Whether you believe God could use you?
A lie doesn't have to be true to influence your life.
That's why recognizing it matters.
5. What does God say is true?
Now take the lie you've been believing and compare it with God's Word.
The lie I've been believing:
What God says is true:
Maybe you've been believing I'm not wanted.
God says you are chosen. “You are a chosen people...” — 1 Peter 2:9
Maybe you've been believing I'm not worth much.
God says you are His workmanship, created with purpose. “For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works...” — Ephesians 2:10
Maybe you've been believing I'm alone.
God says He is with you. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” — Hebrews 13:5
Maybe you've been believing I'm not lovable.
God says you are deeply loved. “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” — 1 John 3:1
Maybe you've been believing my mistakes define me.
God says that in Christ you are being made new. “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come.” — 2 Corinthians 5:17
Now Surrender the Lie
You don't have to keep carrying words that were spoken over you.
And you don't have to keep repeating something about yourself that God never said.
Tell Him what you've been believing.
You can even open your hands as you pray as a physical reminder that you're letting it go.
Pray:
God,
I've been believing that ______________________________.
Maybe someone said it to me. Maybe something happened that made me believe it. Maybe I've repeated it to myself for so long that it started feeling like the truth.
But I don't want this lie deciding how I see myself anymore.
I give it to You.
Help me let go of what isn't true and replace it with what You say about me.
When this old thought comes back, remind me that I don't have to agree with it.
Teach me to see myself the way You see me.
Help me believe Your voice more than the voices that have hurt me, including my own.
I surrender the lie, and I choose Your truth.
Amen.
One Last Thing
Write God's truth somewhere you'll see it.
Put it in your phone.
Write it on your mirror.
Put it in your journal.
Make it your lock screen.
And when the old lie comes back, don't just tell yourself to stop thinking about it.
Replace it.
The lie says: ______________________________.
But God says: ______________________________.
Keep going back to the truth until His voice becomes louder than the one you've been repeating.
Comments