Dealing with the Betrayal and Hurt When My Boyfriend Cheated
There can be times in relationships when you feel jealous or afraid of getting hurt. That isn't your boyfriend's responsibility. It is your job to develop a solid identity in Christ and to identify what is important to you in a relationship. Don't get caught in the trap of expecting him to keep reassuring you because you will wear out even the most upstanding guy.
Explore why you feel insecure in your relationship. Is it your insecurity? Or is it the type of guy you are picking?
The First Signs Your Boyfriend May Be Cheating
In hindsight, you can see the signs that your heart wasn't safe with him. Before you found the flirty texts or noticed the connection between him and that other girl, part of you knew. You blew past the signals because it felt good to have him in your life.
When you have a relationship with God, the Holy Spirit lets you know when things don't feel right. It's time to learn to listen to that still small voice and to recognize the signals that it is time to shut the relationship down.
Something feels different.
He never leaves his phone unattended.
He is secretive. You catch him in small lies.
He turns off his location.
You get vague answers when you ask where he was or who he is messaging.
He deletes messages.
He takes a long time to respond to you when it seems like he answers others immediately.
You don't feel as emotionally connected.
He doesn't hug or kiss you as often.
He compares you to other girls.
He repeatedly spends time with another girl.
You just know.
What Should You Do Now?
There is no avoiding the hurt and betrayal if your boyfriend cheated. If it is safe, have an honest conversation with him, when you are ready. If at any time during the conversation, he gets aggressive, blames you, yells, or refuses to communicate you should leave the situation.
People make mistakes and God calls us to forgive, but that doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship with him. In the end, it may be healthiest to break up with your boyfriend because he has shown that he has issues with self-control and remaining faithful.
It may seem like it would be easier to stay together. The truth is that even in marriage, adultery is one of the few reasons God allows for a divorce. If he has already violated the relationship, it is best to get out now.
In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Even if he only cheated once, the lustful thoughts and intent that led up to the action suggest that he needs to work on his heart and mind before he can truly commit to you.
Lustful behavior that leads to cheating can destroy your guy. You don't want him to take you down with him. God has good plans for your life.
Time to Allow Jesus to Heal Your Broken Heart
No matter how sorry your guy is, you need to take a break to allow yourself to have space to work through your feelings with God.
Remember. It takes time to heal
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Pray to Connect to God and his power
Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 30:2 "Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me."
Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Psalm 56:9 "Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me."
Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Deal with the Lies
Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
Press into God's plans for your future.
Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Jeremiah 29:12-14 "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”