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My Best Friend Crossed the Line with My Boyfriend: Now What?

First. There are a lot of layers to work through in this situation. Betrayal. Broken Trust. A Broken Heart. Anger. Sadness.

There is no excuse or explanation that will make this better. Instead process through the layers of feelings with Jesus.

In this situation there are two relationships that have been damaged. Be careful not to blame one person more than the other. Both people violated their relationship with you.

Take Time to Talk with God to Process

(Processing could take months.)

1. Pray: In the spin of your hurt and emotions take time away to pour your heart out to God. To keep your heart and mind in check, remember that you need to understand that you are in a battle to see the truth of what God has to say. He loves your friend and boyfriend, so God will give you a way forward without tearing them apart.


Dealing with the Hurt in Your Friendship

2. Wait: Emotions run high in these situations. Be careful to give yourself time to process through your emotions with the Jesus before you have a conversation with your friend, or you may say something you regret. You will know it's time to talk, when you feel peace and the ability to remain emotionally in control.

In the meantime, you can also find a trusted adult to process your feelings and pray. Waiting is not punishing your friend, rather you are waiting to have a conversation until you are able to control your words and actions better. If you're friend wants to talk, tell them you will reach out when you are ready.


3. Wise Action: While God asks you to forgive and to move past your anger, there are different things that may happen.

  • Did your friend admit their mistake and apologize? Your friendship may recover with enough time, prayer, and working to rebuild trust. Quality friendships are hard to come by, so be willing to try again, if she has been a good friend.

  • Did your friend apologize, but she constantly tries to compete with you? Or does she have to stay ahead of you to feel ok? In this case, you need to forgive, but your action may look different depending on what Holy Spirit shows you.

You may choose to give the friend grace and talk through how her actions made you feel. Or you may choose to distance yourself from this friend because in your heart you know she will likely hurt you again. Pray for God's wisdom on what he's asking you to do.

  • She doesn't seem sorry. Toxic friendship is a real thing and it takes two people to participate in it. Stay close to Holy Spirit to navigate the way forward. It's important to deal with your role in this this type of friendship. Ask God to help you see what you are doing to contribute to the problem. (It may be that you don't stand up for yourself.)

Even if your friend's behavior is petty and mean, that doesn't give you permission to act the same. Be intentional about working to forgive and to act in a way that honors God.

If she pulls other people in to build a team against you, keep your distance and ask God to help you work through the betrayal and hurt. You are going to need help to navigate this well. Find a trusted adult to help you pray and take the situation step by step. Journaling your feelings is a good way to get them out of your mind.

It's probably time to pursue new friendships by getting involved in youth group, Bible study, a club at school, or even getting a job.

4. Stay with God even when you feel like you can't. Remember that when you are weak God is strong. When you hit your breaking point, cry out to Holy Spirit to carry you through. He will be faithful to get you through your worst moments.


NEXT POST: What About Your Boyfriend?

Coming soon Part 2: My Boyfriend Crossed the Line with My Best Friend: Now What

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