Leadership Starts Before the Title: Teen Leadership Skills
- May 11
- 10 min read
Updated: 23 hours ago
Why Real Leadership Begins Long Before Anyone Gives You Permission
There’s a phrase people say all the time:
“Someday I want to be a leader.”
But here’s the truth most people miss:
Leadership is not something you suddenly become when you get a title.
Real leadership starts long before anyone gives you permission.
Before the position. Before the recognition. Before the followers. Before the applause.
Leadership begins in the quiet decisions you make every single day.
And honestly? That’s something I’ve been learning my entire life.
Who I Am (And Why I Care About Leadership)
Hi, I’m Kelly Kirstein.
I’m the Founder and Director of Chicks Ministry, a ministry designed to help teen girls grow in faith, leadership, friendship, confidence, and purpose.
I’m also:
A wife
A mom of three
A girl who loves living on an acreage outside Clarion
And the owner of a dog named Gracie who fully believes she runs our house
But more than anything, I care deeply about helping young people live powerful lives.
Not fake lives. Not performative lives. Not lives built on attention and approval.
Real lives.
Strong lives.
Lives built with purpose.
And a huge part of that starts with leadership.
Leadership Started Before I Had a Title
I grew up in Clarion, Iowa, and my first real job was working as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool.
At the time, it just felt like a summer job.
But looking back now, I can see something important was happening.
I wasn’t just learning how to work. I was learning how to lead.
After my first year, I was promoted to head guard. Eventually, by the age of 19, I became the manager of the swimming pool.
And here’s the important part:
People trusted me with leadership because I led with hard work before I was ever asked. That lesson has stayed with me my entire life. Taking responsibility creates opportunity.
A lot of people think leadership begins once someone notices them.
But most of the time, leadership begins when nobody is watching.
It begins when:
You show up consistently
You work hard
You take responsibility
You help people
You do the right thing even when no one rewards you for it
Leadership has never just been what I do.
It’s how I live.
Build a Personal Life That Fosters Leadership
One of the biggest leadership lessons I’ve learned is this:
If you want to lead others well, you must first lead yourself well.
That means the life you build privately matters just as much as the life people see publicly.
Your habits matter.
Your values matter.
Your daily decisions matter.
Because eventually, those things shape your future.
Begin With a Personal Vision
When I was around 15 years old, I started intentionally thinking about what I wanted my future life to look like.
I didn’t have everything figured out.
Honestly, I still don’t.
But I knew a few things mattered deeply to me:
Family
Home
Faith
Hard work
Stability
Meaningful relationships
Those priorities became guiding principles for my decisions.
And whether you realize it or not, your priorities are shaping your future too.
Every decision you make is building something.
Your future rarely happens by accident.
It is usually the result of repeated choices made over time.
The Decisions You Make Matter More Than You Think
Culture teaches teens to make decisions based on feelings, popularity, pressure, or whatever seems exciting in the moment.
But leadership requires something deeper.
It requires vision.
When choosing:
relationships
friendships
opportunities
goals
careers
habits
You have to ask yourself:
“Does this align with the life I want?”
That question can save you from so much regret.
Because not every opportunity is a good opportunity.
Not every relationship is healthy.
Not every open door belongs in your future.
Strong leaders learn how to think long-term instead of only living for the moment.
Why I Married Kent
My husband Kent and I started dating when I was 17 years old.
And people sometimes ask me how I knew I wanted to marry him.
The answer is actually very simple.
Our values aligned.
We both cared deeply about:
Faith
Family
Hard work
Building a meaningful life
We also shared a vision for the future.
I dreamed about having a strong family and a peaceful home.
Kent had a vision for building a farming operation and creating a life with purpose and stability.
Our goals aligned.
Now, we’re definitely different people.
Kent spends his days farming and working outside.
Meanwhile, I’m the girl who likes having her hair and makeup done.
But underneath those differences, we were building toward the same kind of future.
And that mattered.
A lot.
Your Values Will Shape Your Future
One of the most important leadership skills you can develop is learning how to make decisions based on values instead of pressure.
That means:
Choosing character over popularity
Choosing purpose over attention
Choosing long-term peace over temporary excitement
And honestly?
That isn’t always easy.
Especially in high school.
There is constant pressure to fit in, keep up, impress people, or make decisions based on emotion instead of wisdom.
But leadership requires maturity.
Real leaders understand that today’s choices become tomorrow’s reality.
Have a Dream — Then Build Toward It
One of the biggest mistakes people make is assuming successful lives happen randomly.
They don’t.
Healthy relationships require intentionality.
Strong families require intentionality.
Leadership requires intentionality.
Dreams require intentionality.
Kent and I now have the family we dreamed about when we were younger.
And today, we live on the acreage he once sketched out in his early twenties.
Not because life was magically easy.
Not because everything worked perfectly.
But because over time, we made decisions that lined up with the future we wanted to build.
That’s what leadership looks like.
Leadership is not waiting for life to happen to you.
Leadership is deciding who you want to become—and building toward it one choice at a time.
Final Thoughts
If I could tell teen girls one thing, it would be this:
Don’t wait for someone to hand you leadership.
Start building it now.
Lead:
in your attitude
in your work ethic
in your relationships
in your integrity
in your daily choices
Because leadership starts long before the title.
And the life you want tomorrow is being built by the choices you make today.
Reflection Questions
What kind of life do I want in the future?
Are my current choices helping me build that life?
What values matter most to me?
Am I making decisions based on pressure or purpose?
What area of my life do I need to lead better right now?
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Faithful Chicks Podcast Script
Leadership Starts Before the Title
Hey friends, welcome back to the Faithful Chicks Podcast.
I’m so glad you’re here today because I want to talk about something that I think affects every single one of us whether we realize it or not…
Leadership.
And before you tune out thinking, “Well, I’m not a student council president,” or “I’m not super outgoing,” or “I’m not the type of person people follow…”
I want you to hear me clearly:
Leadership is not just for a small group of people.
Leadership is something all of us are building every single day through the way we live our lives.
And honestly?
I think a lot of people misunderstand what leadership actually is.
Most people think leadership starts once someone chooses you.
Like:
when you get the title
the position
the followers
the popularity
the recognition
But I want to challenge that idea today because real leadership starts long before anyone gives you permission.
And I’ve seen that play out in my own life over and over again.
So today, I want to talk about:
why leadership begins before the title
how to build a personal life that fosters leadership
how to develop vision for your future
how your decisions shape your life
and why the future you want doesn’t just magically happen
You build it one decision at a time.
So let’s jump in.
Leadership Started Before I Had a Title
I grew up in Clarion, Iowa, and my first job was working as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool.
At the time, it honestly just felt like a normal summer job.
But looking back now, I can see that job taught me so much about leadership.
After my first year, I became head guard.
Then eventually, by the age of 19, I became the pool manager.
And the interesting thing is…
Nobody promoted me because I was flashy.
Nobody promoted me because I was the loudest person.
Nobody promoted me because I demanded leadership.
People trusted me with leadership because I worked hard before I was asked.
That lesson shaped my life.
Because leadership isn’t really about the title.
It’s about how you carry yourself before anyone notices you.
It’s:
how you treat people
whether you show up consistently
whether people can depend on you
whether you take responsibility
whether you solve problems instead of creating them
A lot of people want influence.
But they don’t want responsibility.
And the truth is, responsibility is usually what opens the door to leadership.
That’s why I always say:
Leadership starts long before the title.
It starts in your daily habits.
Build a Personal Life That Fosters Leadership
One of the biggest things I want teen girls to understand is this:
If you want to lead others well, you have to learn how to lead yourself first.
And honestly, that’s the part most people skip.
People want:
influence
followers
success
recognition
But they don’t spend enough time building the kind of inner life that can sustain those things.
Your personal life matters.
Your character matters.
Your habits matter.
Your mindset matters.
Because eventually, who you are privately becomes who you are publicly.
And I think one of the reasons leadership collapses for so many people is because they built the outside before they built the inside.
You can fake leadership for a little while.
But eventually, your real character shows up.
That’s why I think one of the smartest things young people can do is intentionally begin building the kind of life they actually want.
And that starts with vision.
Personal Vision Changes Everything
When I was around 15 years old, I started thinking intentionally about the future I wanted.
And I know that sounds kind of serious for a teenager…
But honestly, I think more teenagers should think deeply about their future.
Not in a pressure-filled way.
But in a purposeful way.
I started realizing there were certain things that mattered deeply to me:
family
faith
stability
hard work
meaningful relationships
having a peaceful home
And those things became guiding principles for my decisions.
That’s something I really want you to think about today:
What are your guiding principles?
What matters most to you?
Because whether you realize it or not, your priorities are shaping your decisions right now.
And your decisions are shaping your future.
Culture tells people to just follow feelings.
But feelings are constantly changing.
Leadership requires something deeper than feelings.
It requires vision.
And vision helps you make decisions differently.
How I Chose My Husband
One of the clearest examples of this in my own life was choosing my husband, Kent.
Kent and I started dating when I was 17 years old.
And people have asked me before, “How did you know you wanted to marry him?”
The answer wasn’t really complicated.
It came down to alignment.
Our values aligned.
We both cared deeply about:
faith
family
hard work
building a meaningful life
We also shared a vision for the future.
I wanted a strong family and a peaceful home.
Kent had dreams for building a farming operation and creating stability for our future family.
And even though we’re very different people in some ways…
Our foundation aligned.
That mattered more than surface-level things.
And honestly, I think this is such an important conversation because a lot of people choose relationships based on:
attention
chemistry
pressure
loneliness
excitement
Instead of asking:
Does this relationship align with the life I want to build?
That question can save you so much pain.
Not just in relationships either.
In friendships.
Opportunities.
Career choices.
Habits.
Everything.
Leadership requires learning how to think long-term.
Your Future Is Being Built Right Now
One thing I really want you to understand is this:
The life you want usually does not happen accidentally.
People sometimes look at someone’s life and think:“Wow, they’re lucky.”
But most of the time?
What you’re actually seeing is years of decisions.
Healthy relationships require intentionality.
Strong families require intentionality.
Leadership requires intentionality.
Dreams require intentionality.
Kent and I now have the family we dreamed about when we were younger.
And today, we live on the acreage Kent used to sketch out when he was in his early twenties.
But life wasn’t magically easy.
We had struggles.
Unexpected turns.
Hard seasons.
Moments where plans shifted.
And honestly, that’s part of leadership too.
Leadership is not just making a plan.
It’s adjusting wisely when life changes.
Because life WILL throw things at you.
Sometimes your plans shift.
Sometimes doors close.
Sometimes you go through heartbreak.
Loss.
Disappointment.
Fear.
But strong leaders keep building anyway.
They adapt.
They grow.
They keep moving forward.
You Build the Future One Choice at a Time
I think one of the most dangerous lies people believe is this idea that life just “happens.”
It doesn’t.
Your future is being built right now through repeated daily choices.
The way you spend your time matters.
The people you surround yourself with matter.
The habits you build matter.
The things you normalize matter.
Your choices either move you toward the life you want…
Or away from it.
And I know that can sound intense.
But honestly?
I think it’s empowering.
Because it means you are not powerless.
You may not control everything that happens to you.
But you absolutely have influence over the direction of your life.
And leadership is learning to take ownership of that.
Final Encouragement
So today, I want to leave you with a few questions.
What kind of life do you actually want?
What values matter most to you?
Are your current choices helping build that life?
Or hurting it?
And are you waiting for someone to hand you leadership…
Or are you already becoming the kind of person people can trust and follow?
Because leadership starts long before the title.
It starts:
in your habits
your character
your relationships
your work ethic
your decisions
your integrity
And the beautiful thing is…
You can start building that kind of life today.
Not someday.
Not when you’re older.
Now.
Thanks so much for hanging out with me today on the Faithful Chicks Podcast.
If this episode encouraged you, make sure you share it with a friend, post it to your Instagram story, or send it to someone who needs the reminder that their future matters.
And remember:
You don’t have to wait for permission to start becoming a leader.