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S1 E8: The Truth About Toxic Relationships

Why Are Bad Boys so Attractive?

Bad boys seem to get a lot of attention. Their rebellious spirit and mystery can feel like a thrill. In movies, characters like Harden in the After series, seem to add a heightened level of intensity and passion that feels exciting. This untamable guy becomes the challenge that makes every other guys seem lame or boring.

Even with Harden's rude behavior and betrayal, we seem to be sucked in by his love for Tess and his vulnerable fits of rage. The couples fighting and make up sex intrigue us to the point we stay hooked for 5 long movies to see if the couple makes it.

Have you ever noticed that visually appealing guys can get away with much worse behavior than the average Joe? Their charisma, attitude, and ability to deflect lead to the belief that their behavior isn't that bad.

The I don't care attitude seems to make the pursuit for attention and affection far more of a rush than the guy that puts his feelings out there. Being wanted by someone who doesn't commit to anyone feels like it means more.

Rich bad boys who settle down seem like the ultimate prize. Jane the Virgin is a powerful example of a love triangle between Michael and Rafael. We seem to forget that our rich rebel is married to Petra, who is deceptive, but not any more than Rafael. As soon as he turns his attention to Jane, we didn't expect Jane to actually end up in a relationship with him where he lives with her in her Abuela's house.

As women, we have a need to feel special. Being different and even standing out is often buried deep in our hearts. The bad boys seem to have a way of drawing us into their world, to the point we don't even notice when we start to lose ourselves.

There is something intriguing and charming about the guy who breaks the rules. His terrible childhood or traumatic history makes his hard surface seem vulnerable, when he opens up. His vulnerability reaches the most broken places in your heart, leaving you feeling a powerful connection you've never felt before.

Before you start, ask the Holy Spirit to come in and fill the time with light. Express to Jesus what you need today during your time with Him.

The Truth About Toxic Relationships:

The desire to have someone broody and captivating feels like a real life love story. Until you re-frame it into the reality of real like with a bad boy.

Breaking the law may seem exciting until it derails your dreams and future. Having a record or getting caught up in risky behavior is not only dangerous, but can make it so you can't pursue certain career paths or types of employment.

His mystery that seems so attractive will not feel good when you have given your heart to a guy that lies and keeps secrets? Healthy relationships are based off of a solid communication and trust. Feeling like you can't trust him to go out on his own will make you a basket case, when he off living his life. Being together 24/7 is dysfunctional.

Substance abuse can seem edgy and cool when you’re young. But what about when he can't safely drive you home after a night out because he is too drunk or high. Or you have to pay for everything because all his money goes to his drug of choice.

His constant flirting and paying attention to other girls may make you feel competitive and possessive. Willing to fight for him in all circumstances to win. But what about when he cheats while you are away at an important family event or pivotal event. Do you want to put all your energy into fighting to keep him...or into building a healthy relationship?

What if all those things that seem so exciting are the darkness’s way of drawing you into a deep connection with heartache and pain?

One day you will have something important that you need to do for yourself. You want a guy that will be there to help you and cheer you on. Not one that derails your life and acts so badly that you can't focus on what is important because your energy is focused on your toxic attachment.

Pursue Good Guys Who Love Jesus.

They make it possible to build a solid life. Who reflect His light through honesty, transparency, kindness, self-control, and patience.

He doesn’t have to be perfect. Just trying to do his best on God’s path.

Self Assessment:

  • What do you tend to crave out of a relationship? Is it different at certain times?

  • Why type of guy are you most attracted to? Why do you think that is?

  • How do you feel differently when you think about dating a good guy versus a bad boy?

  • Have you ever formed an emotional attachment with someone out of a trauma bond? How was it different from other relationships?

  • Do the emotions of other affect you? In other words, do you take on the emotions of others or try to rescue them?

Renew Your Mind:

  • Take time to reflect on your answers to the questions above. Do you see patterns of behavior that help you understand why you are attracted to bad boys.

  • Draw a circle large enough to write in.

    • Inside the circle write things that you desire in a guy or relationship that you think line up with God's will.

    • Outside the circle write things you desire in a guy or relationship that you think would be out of bounds with God's will.

    • Look at the things outside of the circle. Are there any of them that you could make adjustments to help you get in alignment with God's will?

  • Prayer and asking Holy Spirit for restoration may be needed for the remaining things that are outside the circle.

    • Ask God to help you understand what belief or experience is underneath that desire.

    • Take time to look for scripture that helps you renew your thinking.

    • Keep praying and talking to God. He will help you.

Scripture Warning You About Toxic Relationships:



Hey God. So it doesn't feel like I should have to care about adult life yet. I don't understand why I am not attracted to nice guys. For some reason those relationships feel boring.

I want a a loving relationship, but for some reason I pick guys that look at other girls and blow me off. Help me desire a solid guy. Get to the root of why I am attracted to guys who play games and treats me wrong.

Open my eyes to the fun I could have with a guy who is kind and loves Jesus. Remind me that it is a lie to believe that nice is boring. I want a guy with a heart after you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


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