Hosting a Bible study for teen girls is exciting. And let's be honest, it can be a little intimidating, too.

It's exciting to form new relationships with teens and feel like you're stepping into something God has asked you to do. But just because God has called you to something doesn't necessarily mean it will come naturally at first.

You may picture yourself welcoming the girls, making them laugh, and having meaningful conversations about Jesus. Then they actually walk into the room and suddenly you feel a little awkward.

What do I say?

Do they think I'm boring?

Am I trying too hard?

Do they even want to be here?

Those feelings are normal, especially when you're new to working with teens. You don't have to know exactly what to say in every situation. Building relationships with teens takes time, practice, and a willingness to learn.

Ten Common Mistakes Bible Study Leaders Make and a Few Simple Ways to Avoid Them.

1. Trying Too Hard to Be Someone You're Not

Be yourself.

It sounds simple, but it may be one of the most important things you can do when building relationships with teens.

You don't need to suddenly become cooler, funnier, younger, or more outgoing because you're leading a group of teenagers. Teens will eventually figure out who you really are anyway, so give them the opportunity to know the real you.

And if you don't instantly connect with every girl, give it time. You aren't instant friends with every adult you meet either.

Some relationships develop quickly. Others take months.

Be kind. Be interested in their lives. Be consistent. Keep showing up.

Connection will come.

2. Talking to Teens Like They're Small Children

Sometimes adults feel uncomfortable around teenagers, and without realizing it, they begin talking to them like they're welcoming a group of kindergarteners.

Teens notice.

You don't need a special "teen voice." Talk to them in much the same tone you would use with another person you respect.

At the same time, remember that they aren't adults yet. They still need appropriate boundaries, guidance, and leadership from you.

You're not trying to become another teenager in the room. You're creating a relationship where she knows:

This adult respects me, cares about me, and is someone I can trust.

3. Asking Questions That Get Too Personal Too Fast

Asking questions is one of the easiest ways to show a teen that you're interested in getting to know her.

But don't go too deep too quickly.

If you've only met a girl a couple of times and immediately start asking about her family problems, relationships, mental health, or deepest struggles, she may feel like you're being nosy or wonder why you want to know.

Start light.

Try questions like:

• What's a show you're enjoying right now? Why do you like it?

• If you could skip one chore at home forever, which one would you choose?

• What's the funniest or weirdest thing that's happened at school lately?

• What's something you're looking forward to?

• What's your favorite thing to do when you actually have free time?

Listen to her answers. Remember the little things she tells you.

Those simple conversations give you something to ask about next time, and over time, deeper conversations can happen naturally.

4. Expecting Teens to Share Without Sharing Anything About Yourself

Conversation shouldn't feel like an interview.

If you're constantly asking questions without ever sharing anything about yourself, teens may start to feel like they're being investigated.

Tell them about your interests. Laugh about something funny that happened during your week. Tell an age-appropriate story about something you experienced when you were younger. Let them discover your personality.

Just remember that sharing is different from oversharing.

Teens don't need details about your financial stress, marriage problems, conflicts with other adults, or other situations that place adult emotional burdens on them.

Share enough that they can know you without making them responsible for taking care of you.

5. Ignoring Them When You See Them Outside Bible Study

You see one of your girls at the grocery store, a basketball game, or a school event.

She sees you.

You see her.

And suddenly neither of you knows what to do.

Don't overthink it.

Smile. Wave. Say hi.

You don't need to walk across the room and start a ten-minute conversation. A simple acknowledgment communicates, I see you, and I'm happy to see you.

Then let her decide whether she wants the interaction to continue. If she comes over, talk to her. If she gives you a quick smile and keeps walking with her friends, let her go.

You acknowledged her while still respecting her space.

6. Trying to Sound Like a Teen to Make Yourself Relatable

You don't need to talk like a teenager to connect with teenagers.

Trying to use language, slang, swearing, vulgar jokes, or humor can have the opposite effect. Instead of making you seem relatable, it may make teens feel like you're trying too hard.

Teens don't need another peer. They already have those.

They need adults who can laugh with them, enjoy them, and understand their world while still being trustworthy examples.

You can absolutely joke around and have fun.

A simple guideline I like is this: If I wouldn't be comfortable saying it in front of my pastor, I probably shouldn't say it to the girls I'm mentoring.

7. Correcting Every Wrong Opinion

This one can be difficult, especially when you're trying to teach teens what it looks like to follow Jesus.

A girl finally tells you what she really thinks, and what comes out isn't exactly the Christian response you were hoping for.

Maybe she's angry. Maybe she says something harsh about another person. Maybe her opinion doesn't line up with what you're teaching.

Your instinct may be to immediately correct her. But if every honest answer receives a lecture, eventually she'll stop giving you honest answers.

Get curious first.

Instead of immediately saying, "You shouldn't feel that way," try:

"It sounds like you have some pretty strong feelings about that person. Do you know why you feel that way?"

Or:

"What happened that made you see it that way?"

Listening doesn't mean agreeing.

It means you're trying to understand what's happening inside her before deciding what she needs from you.

Often, getting curious opens the door to a much better conversation about forgiveness, kindness, wisdom, or what Scripture teaches than immediate correction ever could.

8. Deciding a Teen Is a "Bad Kid" Because of Her Behavior

Teens are still becoming who they are.

Even girls who have grown up in church or youth group may not have personally decided that they want to follow Jesus or live according to what Scripture teaches.

They may lie. They may make risky choices. They may wear something you wouldn't choose. They may use language you don't like. They may show up with attitudes and behaviors that concern you.

That doesn't make your job hopeless. That's why you're there.

Your role isn't to shame her into acting like a Christian. Your role is to help her know Jesus and understand the goodness of following Him.

Heart transformation belongs to God.

Ask Him to help you see the girl in front of you as He sees her. Look for the good in her. Speak encouragement into the qualities you want to help grow.

Sometimes one of the most powerful things a mentor can do is see something good in a teen who is used to adults only pointing out what's wrong.

9. Playing Favorites Without Realizing It

We naturally connect more easily with some people than others. That happens in Bible study groups, too.

One girl may be outgoing, funny, and easy to talk to. Another barely answers your questions. Another interrupts constantly or seems determined to challenge everything you say.

Without realizing it, you can begin giving most of your attention to the girls you naturally enjoy.

The sad reality is that the girl who is easy to overlook in your group may already feel overlooked everywhere else.

Sometimes difficult behavior is a defense. A teen may lash out, act uninterested, or say harsh things because keeping people at a distance feels safer.

This is where your faith matters. Ask God to help you care about the girl who is difficult for you to connect with. Look for small things you genuinely appreciate about her.

Learn her name. Notice when she's gone. Ask about something she mentioned last week. Tell her you're glad she came.

She doesn't have to be your favorite. But she should know she matters.

10. Making Bible Study Feel Like Another Class

You gave everyone the Bible study book. You explained the homework. Then next week, half the girls show up without doing it.

It can be frustrating, especially when you've spent time preparing.

But be careful not to turn Bible study into another class where girls feel like they're going to get in trouble for missing an assignment.

Remember what she did do:

She came.

She chose to spend part of her day in a room where people are talking about Jesus.

That's an opportunity.

Invite her into the conversation anyway. Give her time to write something in her book during the meeting. Ask what she thinks. Encourage her to participate.

You can continue encouraging girls to study Scripture during the week without making them feel ashamed when they don't.

The goal isn't completed homework.

The goal is helping girls develop a relationship with Jesus and discover why spending time with Him matters.

One More Mistake: Feeling Like a Failure When a Meeting Doesn't Go as Planned

Okay, technically this makes eleven. But this one is too important to leave out.

At some point, you're going to have a Bible study meeting that feels like a disaster.

The girls may be distracted.

Your discussion may fall flat.

An activity may take five minutes when you thought it would take twenty.

Someone may say something that completely changes the direction of the conversation.

You may drive home wondering, What in the world was that?

Don't measure the value of the meeting by how closely it followed your plan.

• You showed up.

• You welcomed the girls.

• You created a place for them to hear about Jesus.

• And sometimes the conversations you didn't plan are the ones God uses most.

Learn to go with the flow instead of forcing your agenda.

If you finish early, turn on a few worship songs. Ask the girls to write a prayer. Give them paper and art supplies and invite them to create something that represents where they are in their faith journey. Or simply sit around and talk.

You don't need to fill every minute.

Remember Why You're Doing This

The goal isn't to become the coolest Bible study leader. As a Bible study leader mistakes will happen.

It isn't to host a flawless meeting, have the perfect response to every question, or memorize enough Scripture to impress the girls.

The goal is to help connect teen girls to Jesus so they can discover how deeply He loves them and learn to follow Him for themselves.

That happens through Scripture and teaching, but it also happens through relationships.

It happens when you remember her name.

When you listen instead of immediately correcting.

When you notice she's missing.

When you're genuinely happy to see her.

When you keep showing up even after a meeting that didn't go according to plan.

You will get better at leading with practice. Conversations will become more natural. You'll learn what works with your particular group of girls.

So prepare well, ask God for wisdom, and then walk into the room ready to enjoy the girls He has placed in front of you.

You don't have to force connection.

Care about them. Point them toward Jesus. And keep showing up.